LiveJournal of Ally.

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Sunday, October 15th, 2017

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Absolutely none of this is okay

Saturday, October 14th, 2017

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Subject:football season is over.
It's the true essence of irony that I cheated a guaranteed death and found a wisp of thread to stay alive and yet I still fucking want to die

I can't really comprehend this haunting feeling; from 2001 to now, it has just been a roller coaster ride. I've probably maxed out my allotment for fun and adventure in this life. Like Layne sang, I've eaten the sun and my tongue has been burned of the taste. And to me, settling for anything less is not really living.

Thursday, August 31st, 2017

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Subject:with the newfound understanding that I may not get another chance to do so
on a beautiful, peaceful afternoon early in July, I passed away.
sadly, it's not a joke. I am still in the hospital. I feel the need to clarify that this situation was not precipitated by a drug overdose, or anything having to do with such.
I crashed a second time the next morning, and miraculously hung on through that too. i was under full induced coma and paralytic for an entire month.

anyway, I don't think anyone reads this, because this journal is like my own little abandoned Temple ruin, but my doctors all say I am doing amazingly well, although I did crashed unexpectedly, anything could happen. so I am in the hospital and still under my general radio silence mode, but just in case anyone comes looking or searching or needs something, this is the place to leave a message and will contact back if I can

Sunday, May 27th, 2012

(1 spoken | say it)

hello again, to all my friends. together we could play some rock and roll

Monday, February 28th, 2011

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Mood: exanimate
Who the hell are you to tell me how to live?
You think I sell my body; I merely sell my time.

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

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Mood: complacent
I don't ask, for much these days
And I don't bitch, and whine, if I don't get my way
I only wanna fertilize another behind my lover's back
I sit and watch it grow standin' where I'm at Fertilize another behind my lover's back
And I'm keepin' my secrets mine

Monday, July 26th, 2010

(2 spoken | say it)

If you riding around the city with nowhere to go
Drive slow homey
Live today cause tomorrow man you never know

Sunday, July 11th, 2010

(1 spoken | say it)

I watched a change in you / Its like you never had wings / Now you feel so alive / I watched you change

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

(2 spoken | say it)

Subject:real eyes realize real lies
life and death, energy and peace. if i stop today, it was still worth it. even the terrible mistakes that i have made, and would have unmade, if i could. the pains that have burned me and scarred my soul. it was worth it. for having been allowed to walk where i’ve walked.
which was to hell on earth
heaven on earth
back again
far in between
through it
in it
and above
Gia Marie Carangi

Friday, August 7th, 2009

(4 spoken | say it)

good afternoon, world.

Friday, April 8th, 2005

(18 spoken | say it)

car accident, drama, blah blah blah

Friday, December 31st, 2004

(6 spoken | say it)

TONIGHT: ecstasy, shrooms, and many a bowl celebrating new years eve at a rave in the sylmar forest!

Tuesday, September 14th, 2004

(7 spoken | say it)

yes, its true. ally, the whitest girl in the whole damn world.. has a tan.

Saturday, August 7th, 2004

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beep! im rather confused. my hair, mostly on its own, over some long time went from a dyed warm dark brown almost black color to a light reddish brown. im not sure what to do, but all i know is that when i had dark violet colored hair, it looked almost yummy enough to eat.

ugh. i want windows update manager out of my life. the stupid "remind me later" button has options to remind me in 30 minutes to 3 days. yeah, nag me again in 30 minutes, bitch. there really needs to be a "cook me a steak / die" option. windows can be such a big piece of slut!

im so stressed over not having a job. on top of that... los angeles is sucking in general. yay!

Wednesday, July 7th, 2004

(7 spoken | say it)


yay camera phone!

i got the mars volta shirt and it is the best shirt INTHEWORLDDDDDDDDD

Wednesday, July 30th, 2003

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Time:00:38 be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
- E. E. Cummings

Monday, July 28th, 2003

(5 spoken | say it)


Friday, January 24th, 2003

(9 spoken | say it)

Subject:your password is bad blah blah blah.
Mood: cynical

Friday, December 20th, 2002

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Mood: nerdy
I fixed more than a few stupid things my computer has been dumb about and I reinstalled SoulSeek. I'm happy. Too bad that dosen't solve the problem of my missing DVD case and my keys :/!

(*EDIT: macs are dumb)

Thursday, December 19th, 2002

(1 spoken | say it)

Mood: confused
Randy and Krystal and I went to Krystals house today. Kind of strange considering they're my friends but I barely know them. Usually I'm so much more.. anti-social than this.

I came home and slept from like 5 till a couple minutes ago. What the hell, I hope I'm not getting sick again or something. Lovely waste of four hours, and now I sort of need to make my bed once again, and Im lazy. Someone come to my house and make my bed for me because I think I have a fever and I'm lazy. Yay!

I'm not going to school tomorrow.. AGAIN! Besides not feeling so great, there's a pep rally some bullshit or other till 8:45 in the morning. If you don't go to it you're marked as tardy (or whatever, I wasnt paying attention). Screw that, I'd rather be tardy than at a fucking pep rally at 8 in the morning. But besides that, I have no way to get to school after 7.30, and getting caught driving with my suspended lisence would the death of me. So fuck it.

Fuck sleep/ now, I'm so horribly fucking confused. I slept and so now my brain thinks its morning and I have a sudden craving for pancakes and what not.

I slept while tool blasted from my stereo.. dreamy.

All the stress from the past few days week is eating me alive. Maybe I should write a book (thanks Ly, for all your lovely ideas)!! I'd like to start taking more pictures. Again... and on top of that I need to sort out everything that's going on for the next couple of weeks. And make my bed. But thats not really in any particular order :]

The charmin commercial with the bears.. How scarily-cute. If my plans get ruined due to rain tomorrow, someone dies. That, or have to come hang out with me and cure my boredom.

Wednesday, December 18th, 2002

(say it)

Subject:and as the sky is falling..
Mood: rushed
I lived in misery for so long pining away and now I realize the closer I got the more I found out and hated him more. Ofcourse I cherished what I had in the moment I had it, but now it's really in the past. From what that was.. Years ago, ech, nevermind. Over.

All this holiday spirit is almost getting me down. I can't walk into a fucking 7-11 without hearing Christmas music everywhere.

Wednesday, December 11th, 2002

(2 spoken | say it)

Mood: bitchy
I keep feeling this sting of old memories, inward, sudden breath of the past. When I think I'm too far from it to care about these things they come back. Damnit, why does it have to hurt so much? It's only from one thing... one note from the past strikes and I feel it again. Lost?

That scratchy-anxious feeling has set in again. it's killing me

Sunday, December 1st, 2002

(5 spoken | say it)

Mood: confused
FUCK!! It's december..already?

Tuesday, November 26th, 2002

(2 spoken | say it)

Mood: hopeful


Thursday, November 7th, 2002

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Subject:why is it not raining already...!!!
Mood: blank
Tomorrow I'm going to.. go to school, then at 3.30 Nancy and I are going to go chill in a PC meeting at school till 7 and see what they actually talk about. Hah hah hah THEN later Ginger and I might be going to crash some party or whatever. As for the rest of the weekend it's probably going to be spent high [oh..gee..what else is new?].

Even though I'm moving into another room here I'm still trying to convince my mom to let me stay in big bear and take care of our house there. Half the reason she wont let me go is because she has no trust in me after the last time (yeeeeeeeah), and the other half is the whole side issue of the time it got broken into.. Not like we were there, and not like they took anything but the goddam sattelite dish!

I took two chapter tests yesterday that I completely failed because I FORGOT WE WERE HAVING THEM. I swear thats the last time I do that.

I have a guide and a section assessment I was hoping to finish but im really tired

Sunday, November 3rd, 2002

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Mood: hopeful
I don't want to wake up early tomorrow.. Oh well!

I don't think Jacquelines even going to bother to stay here tonight and I need to ask her to please leave a copy of the key to the room (since I'm handling all of that bullshit) and to leave the mirror she's been borrowing from me.

I'm really tired, but I wouldn't be able to sleep right now if I tried.

Jars look good, plan goes into effect next weekend.

Sunday, October 27th, 2002

(say it)

Last night was so awesome.

Thank youuu

Thursday, October 24th, 2002

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Subject:too much caffiene
Mood:stomach TWISTING
I heard Alicia was in a car accident this morning. When I heard I wasn't really paying attention so it didn't register.. Finally, now, it went through. Apparently, she was driving with her boyfriend and their car got hit by a bus. She's having surgery done on her spleen tonight I think, and she'll be okay.

The festival wasn't that bad. If you don't count that 99 percent of the time was taken by waiting in lines, pushing people trying to get through, and wandering aimlessly (again) once you were out. English has been fun the past 2 days. We've done nothing.. Haha.

I've pretty much decided that I am going to have a new electric guitar by Christmas. No, I don't know how, and it was kind of spontaneous, but yes, I already know that I need it.. To hold me up in the least from further falling down. Those who have been around me in the slightest lately would know. One of the things I need to keep my mind busy and off my habits. Well, I'll be quite honest, I am fine with my habits; As arrogant and stupid as this is going to sound - Bad as they are, I don't even care about giving it up. It dosen't matter. I just don't want them going any futher worse.

Tierd, but I don't want to go to bed.

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002

(1 spoken | say it)

Subject:wonder if i'm going to monster massive this weekend or not
Mood: rushed
I love walking around aimlessly, always acting like I have something to do, some random reason to be wandering. Tomorrow is festival day, which means we get an hour of lunch doing nothing but buying unhealthy junk food crap made from boxes where all you add is milk/water/eggs; All to support the different clubs! I should have asked peter to make 'special' brownies. Probation officer dude scares me, but Liane and I equally scare him back when we act like lesbians, i think.

On a lamer note, homecoming assembly was today and it was so fucking retarded that I wanted to cry.

The rest of this week should be interesting. Yep

Hey hey.. I'm a failure... YAY!

Monday, October 21st, 2002

(1 spoken | say it)

Mood: indescribable
I already know, opiates and or cocaine are gonna be the death of me.
Wait, already happening..

Something really really odd happened to me today. Somethng I'll never forget.

LiveJournal of Ally.

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